It feels like a good way of going over an edge to start writing. I’m not expecting any great revelations or it to take the world by storm… but I’m making a quiet commitment to myself. One that feels doable. Once a week’s not exactly pushing the boat out but it’s something and it’s my tiny step!
Be ME. I don’t think anyone can teach me that better than a puppy. Ruby is just herself all day long. No concern for what others think of her, she’s not concerned about needing to behave a particular way, no desire to please others or fit in, she’s just herself.
It’s funny, even me writing this here I have a thought in the background – I wonder what you’ll think… Why am I doing this, is it silly… Why not just continue writing for yourself… I bet Ruby doesn’t have an inner critic! Quietly criticizing herself for the way she runs round the kitchen or how quickly she wolfs down her food. How about when she slips up and pees in the house. She’s not apologizing for herself and feeling embarrassed, she just bounds on to the next thing. I know that when she does pee in the house she’s just excited and forgets and she’s not actually fucking with us! Yup, I’ve had that thought. That she knows exactly when she’s doing a pee inside. I haven’t given her something she wants and then she pee’s. How ridiculous is that! She’s a 13 week old puppy. It’s not as if she’s thinking how can I fuck with Charles and Anna? I’m quite sure she doesn’t have those sort of vindictive thoughts running through her. She’s just being herself! I love that authenticity. There’s such an internal freedom being ok in your own skin. I feel it on a somewhat regular basis, which after years of not feeling that is so liberating. But I also know there are times when if I fully allowed myself to be me in all areas of my life I’d feel even freer. And what would that be like?
I’m going to try it out this week. How can I surprise myself this week totally and unashamedly being ME in all aspects of my life. Holding nothing back. I have a great teacher! And as Margaret Cho said, “I’m not going to die because I failed as someone else. I’d rather just succeed at being me”.