Against Knowing

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I was in a writing class I’m participating in and we did a free writing 20 minute blast the first class that went a surprising direction. I was pretty clear I had signed up for this class to layout an outline for a book I wanted to write something about soulfulness in our lives. So I dove into the writing with a gusto to begin to flesh this plan and vision out.

About 10 minutes into the writing I noticed I felt bored and even antsy as I had been laying out the skeleton of this soul topic that I feel like I have been dancing with for the past 30 years. What was going on? I was finally committing to begin this book that had been on the back burner for ever it seemed. And as I wrote about this feeling of disenchantment I suddenly realized that what I’d been laying out I’d been thinking about for so long that it felt old and tired and flat. So then what to do with a passion and plan that I had thought was what I most wanted to do?

What bubbled up was what felt more intriguing and even mysteriously enchanting was to explore what I didn’t know yet. What new thoughts and perspectives are emerging now that I may not even be paying attention to because of the sort of myopia of the soulful vision I was so attached to.

Which leads me to the ‘Against Knowing’ theme. I’m starting to appreciate that the things in life that feel most meaningful and moving and engaging are often times the new and fresh awarenesses that emerge, seemingly unbidden. Like this new awareness of dropping what I know and opening to what I don’t yet know. Maybe it will be related, maybe not. But in letting go of the attachment to what I know about soulfulness I can feel a sense of spaciousness and excitement for what now can emerge that I hadn’t yet imagined.

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